CyVix

[wishiwasbeastgirl]

I know, it sounds stupid. But tell me, should I write it? It's a girl who's has been turned half robot, and is found on the road by Cyborg. He takes her to the tower and, well, that's what I can tell you. Should I write it? I already have something like this on my computer. But should I write it? Does is sound good?

[gem]

Hmm, sounds interesting. I can tell you that if you write and post it, I would probably check it out. I say go for it!

[wishiwasbeastgirl]

Cool, someone likes it!

[wishiwasbeastgirl]

I just want to see if anyone else wants to read it.

[robin]

I'd read it. ;D

All I do is make a few websites and read all day anyhow.

[wishiwasbeastgirl]

Cool. I guess I should start now that two people might read it.
You are Evelyn, a girl who loves being outside. If you weren't outside playing, you think you'd die. You loved playing games and talking. This is your story.
"She's beautiful." a man says. You open your eyes and find you're lying on a table. You look around and see you're in a dark room. You get off of the table, wondering where you were."She's up." You turn quickly, scared. You couldn't see anyone.
"What?" you ask.
"You were the one who lived out of the few people." the man says.
"People died? Why?"
"Look." A mirror drops in front of you. You scream. You were half robot. You can't stop screaming. Half of your beautiful skin was metal. Your hands were metal. Half of your face was metal. You scream again as you see one of your eyes was red and robotic. The other eye was normal. Half of the top of your head was robotic and blue, but the other half still had your hair. Your shoulders were blue and robotic, and the rest of your body was white metal. Your waist, hips, and chest were still there, but they were all metal. You fall to the floor and cry.
"Why?" you ask. Anger and sadness came over you. You stand up and kicked the mirror, breaking it."Why did you do this to me?" you ask, glaring at the man you couldn't see. No one says anything, so you run to the wall and feel for a door. You find one, and try to open it. It wouldn't open, so you just break it down. You don't notice the yellow walls as you fall into a hall. You get up and run down one hall, tears running down your cheeks and anger growing. You find a door and run through it. Inside was a window and a bed. You break the window and jump out of it, not caring if you died.
Okay that's only poart of it. Did you like it?

[gem]

Hmm. Intriguing. I really like the way you wrote it, putting the reader into the character's position. I'll keep reading when you post more!

[the Azure Sky]

good stuff

[robin]

Good so far. Please continue with it ^_^

[wishiwasbeastgirl]

Thanks!
You open your eyes and look around.
"What?" The building you were in before was gone. You get up and feel pain all over."I'm never jumping out of the window, it hurts!" You were just by a big building on the outside of a town. You walk around the building and follow a road until you get into the town. People walking stop to look at you, and they whisper and laugh to the people next to them. You get angry."What?" you ask loudly. Everyone jumps and quickly walks away from you, scared. You walk on the side of the road, glaring at everyone who walks by. Do they think I want to be half robot? I don't want to be metal, you think. Tears run down your cheeks as you think about how you wanted your human body, and all the things you won't be able to do now that you were half metal. The tears fall faster, so you run behind a building to cry. You let the tears fall while punching and kicking the walls in anger. Pieces would break every time a hit landed on the strong walls."What did I do? Why did they do this to me? Why am I like this?" you ask.
"Hey, who's hitting the building?" asks a man. You scream, and watch wide eyed as your arm changes into a laser cannon. It turns blue and you feel yourself putting all your power into the laser cannon."What? How did you get like-" You look up from your arm to see the man walking to you. Everything starts to get dark as you feel more and more tired each moment. You sigh as your eyes close and you fall, your head hitting the wall and helping you with blacking out again.
"You're up." the man says. You sigh and open your eyes. You were lying on a table with a big wire in your chest. You sit up and look at the man. You grab the wire out of your chest and throw it down. You jump off of the table and walk back to the wall.
"Who are you?" He walks up to you and you gasp. He was half robot, and looked just like you."You're the man!" you yell."You're the man who made me like this!" You didn't know if he was, but it was the only thing you could think right now.
"No! I didn't make you like that!" You shake your head.
"You're the man!" He grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you until you stop shouting.
"No." he whispers."I'm not the one who made you like this."
"Who did?"
Yeah, it's bad, but I'm trying to make it good! Should my story be beat and made into tomorrows breakfast, or stay?

[gem]

I think it should stay. I really am interested in reading more.

[robin]

The story idea is good. It is just a bit hard to read. Just need to break it into readable paragraphs ^_^

[wishiwasbeastgirl]

I try, but it won't let me! I do enter, and then a few spaces, but it came out like that. Thanks for reading! I'll have another part up in a little while. I need a good name for another story that I'm writing. She's a half cat demon, and she can turn into a cat if she wants to. She doesn't want anyone to know though. What should her name be? I was thiking something really redundant like kat or something, but I was hyper when I thought of the name.

[robin]

Did to press enter twice to create a line or press enter and then used the spacebar?

[wishiwasbeastgirl]

The second thing.